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Thursday, 22 December 2011

Tantrums of the office floor


Yawning away to glory at my desk and my fingers go bonkers on the keyboard this utterly slow Wednesday afternoon. It all started a little while ago when I pinged my friend out of boredom who sits in one obscure part of my floor. My office floor is so huge that one can actually cover end to end atleast a 100 metres. Well being in the confines of office ,I cant seem to think of anything else , but office means serious and serious not equal to me !
And thus comes out this blog. Its Christmas time and in our office most projects are shut down during the holiday period the work load is practically less. That’s whats been the inspiration to write his blog , the things people do to come to office and the things people do to be awake. To be honest , I am writing this blog to be awake , but one look around me and I can say there are atleast a bunch of people who are in the same boat as mine. The afternoon time doesn’t make it any better , normal day itself post lunch makes everyone yawn and boy is it contagious. Well firstly there are this category of typers ! Not typing work but on the chat window with friends across . And if they are in the most visible position they try their best to shrink the chat window to fit one non see able corner of the computer screen and it is indeed hilarious to note how the body is tuned for these people, If they find someone coming to them behind or they hear their names , flip flip goes the hands over the ALT –TAB ! .Pheww is their look on the faces and they realise its just their smoky buddy asking out for a smoke. Not me though cos my manager knows that my productivity is less when I don’t chat. LOL
Women on the other hand are ingenious creations by themselves , bolted to their head are the headfones and they can talk the whole day gossiping gossiping , I wonder who invented the hands free , they yap and yap and yet seem to find the art of doing work at a pace which cannot be quantified and yet if someone important comes around within 20 metres distance of their working space ,the inbuilt safety alarm kicks in …. And you hear her boss coming …. Ok bye tata see you .. the eyes from a bubbly laugh becomes a savitri stare. The keyboard suddenly starts going at a faster rate and a minute later the manager comes talking and all is wells ! And the alarm system also goes back to the mode faster than it kicked in , barely few steps the manager has taken , the left finger goes to the right side to hit the centre button and wham ! Redial tring tring …. Hey aah yes no yeaa..with a stretch boss had come so just update , now where were we begins the conversations again.
And then are these category of men who find themselves perennially single and want to make some impact .They ensure that that are on the fone closest to their nearest good looking girl and keep pacing up and down up and down . Sometime the desperation is so much , that even after noticing the fact that the person is not there , they still keep pacing up and down as if the horoscope guy ordered to do tht for 10 minutes and she will be there. I really pity the person on the fone , cos he is bloody bakra who has to bear his friends blabbering all cos he is pacing up and down at his fav girls desk.
Of course not far behind are the owls category of people ( both men and girls) , the ones who don’t want to be noticed that they are also looking for some fun in life. They keep staring into the computer screens and have the self modified bifocal eyes. Half the eye is on the subject and half the eye is on the monitor . I guess during that period of time their hands must be typing what they want to say to the girl/boy.
Discovery channel and animal planet too have helped in the art of sighting and seeing for the blokes and blondes in office . Usually word of mouth is the key to this aspect. The friend sitting next to you says , Hey your girl/guys has come and the next instant the person neck goes up by 8 inches and turns weeeeeeeee one full 780 degress faster than the security camera above their head and plong , their heads are strutted out in the direction of the respective. The last time I noticed this behaviour was in the African animals or the deers when they sense danger pop their heads out of the grass and run! For their lives. Well here we don’t run , we create the instant coffee break and CTRL+ALT+DEL is triggered !.
Speaking of coffee , the beverage kicks in caffeine and a lot other things , in most cases the little cup of coffee is the perfect alibi for the perfect evening office safari. Especially when coffee is in hand and the legs roam around the campus . The legs don’t roam for any fitness reason , its more for the colors which come out of the next door office at the particular time. That’s the time when you bunch of friends speaking together ,  where you see the ear at 45 degrees the fake smile at 90 degress while the eye is doing its 360 degrees.
Well mathematics was never my favourite subject but when it comes to doing calculations , I don’t understand from where the brain gets its ability to calculate judge and rate the newly found girl/boy in a split second. The other day my friend was coming along in my car and I muttered , looking at girl in the distance ,she looks nice , wish I can pull up ahead to get a better view to which my friend response . nopes don’t do it . I gave this bewildeed look and asked why not ? The answer was shes married .
All I could do was gulp , here I was just noticing her long hair and calculating that depending on the length of the hair , if she’s from a conservative , forward looking northie ,southie family with all the bloody RAM in my head. And the girl next to me says she is married .. howww! She retorts you noticed the hair I noticed the toe ring!

Now how women do it don’t ask ! of all the things , I guess that’s how they were made , to pay attention to the minute detail.
Anymore than this , I think I will have both the fraternity coming and butchering me. 2.55 on the clock and well spent 45 minutes penning this down in office. Hehehehehehe
Till the next one … happy viewing 

2 comments:

MOUNT OPERA PHOTOS said...

Shyam, I am proud of You.

though the subject not not interest me, your wordings are superb and you qualify as a No 1 English writer.

Good Keep It Up.

Sonali said...

very interesting!! loved reading it!! It just transported me to office and I could visualise the scene at noon